Lost and Found

I was baptized at six months old.

When I was a child, my parents would occasionally take me and my twin brother to Sunday Mass, but I never went to Sunday school and I never received the Sacraments of Reconciliation, First Holy Communion, or Confirmation.

I never had any real exposure to family prayer.  The only time my family would pray together would be right before Thanksgiving meal, but family prayer was not part of my life growing up.

As a child, I understood that we called God, Our Father, but I had no real understanding of who Jesus was.  I knew Him as a baby in the crib at Christmastime and that He was a great teacher who somehow died on a Cross.  No one ever explained to me that Jesus Is God or what sin was.  I grew up in ignorance of the Catholic faith.

Sometimes, as a child, I would try to pray to God as Our Father although I did not know what prayer was.

I taught myself the Lord’s Prayer as a child, as it was engraved in the inside of my dad’s childhood Bible.  So, I spent one afternoon, praying the Lord’s Prayer over and over again just so I could memorize it by heart.  I thought it was important since I had heard that prayer at Mass, although I did not understand what it truly meant at the time.

Growing up, one night, I decided to talk to God as Our Father before I went to sleep.  I did not know that this was prayer.  I just thought it would be nice to share my day with God, while I was snuggled up in my bed, before sleep overcame me.

I enjoyed those special nights when I talked to God.

And as I got older, I would wonder about all the people who got up to take Holy Communion and how I had to sit behind in the pews during Mass.  I did not know what Holy Communion was or why I could not participate in the Sacrament.  Although I would ask my dad and my mom about it a few times, they did not explain to me what Holy Communion was.

And so, oftentimes, I would cry silently to myself in the pews during Holy Communion.  Because I understood—somehow—in my spirit, that Holy Communion was something very special and very beautiful, even though I did not know what it was.

During those days, my dad was a Protestant Christian and my mom was cradle Catholic.  They thought it was best that my twin brother and I come to God on our own when we were “ready.”  They wanted us to decide for ourselves which religion we wanted to follow.

Sadly, my parents did not realize how they were limiting options for my twin brother and me.  Truly, if someone had only taken the time to explain to me who Jesus was and what sin was, it would have saved me many years of wandering and being lost.

If only someone had taken the time to tell me that Jesus Is God, how different my choices in life might have been.  If I had understood that truth and what Holy Communion was, I would have seriously considered a religious vocation.  But, those options were denied me, because of my religious ignorance.

I did not know that the Catholic faith is the True Faith on earth.  No one had ever presented it to me as being the True Faith.  I thought Catholicism was just one of many religions on earth.  And I did not know that Catholicism is Christianity.  I thought Christianity was somehow a different religion from Catholicism.  I simply did not understand.

At one particular time in my youth, during my wandering years, I remember telling myself, well, if I have not figured out which religion to follow, when I am 25 years old, I will become Catholic for lack of anything better.  I do not know if it was a prayer that I said or a promise that I made, but I believe God remembered those words.

From age 13 to 24 years old, I was lost.  Due to public school teaching, I thought the theory of evolution was true and I rejected God in my life because of it.  For many years, I was an atheist and was very liberal.  Then I became an agnostic due to an answered prayer.  But, I still wandered, because I did not know what Christianity was about.  I was ignorant of the faith I had been raised in, so I rejected it as not being the truth.

I looked towards eastern religions to find the truth, but in studying them, I could not find inner peace from them.  The eastern religions just did not seem logical to me.  I knew that there was a God—I had accepted this to be true, because of the impossible prayer that was answered by Him—but, I could not find Him.  The simple fact that I believed in my search was this: if there is a God, I could not accept that He would hide Himself from us.  So, one of the religions in the world had to be true, but it was a constant search for me to find which one…?

And I went to law school, because I so desired to find the truth.  But, already in my first year, I became disillusioned, when I realized that there is no absolute truth in the legal system.  It made me depressed at the time.

It was December 2002, three days after Christmas, and I was at home with my parents on winter break.  I was 3 months shy of my 25th birthday and I was about to enter my final year of law studies.  I was in my bedroom, flipping channels on my television, when something caught my eye on the public television station.  The show was on various religions and a lady speaker said something that really intrigued me.

The lady speaker said that besides wicca (witchcraft), the only religion that has a strong female role model is Catholicism.  She made a comment or two about the Blessed Virgin Mary, then she went back to talking about wicca, but those few statements were enough to intrigue me.

Growing up, knowing so very little about Jesus, I had no real exposure to the Blessed Virgin Mary.  But, the feminist in me was intrigued by these words.  I remembered a catechism book that I had purchased two years ago by “random chance.”  I never read it (I did not even know what the word, “catechism,” meant), but now, I desired to find it.  So, I finally found the book buried under a pile of assorted books in the corner of my bedroom.

Now, I know this is due to grace alone, but instead of solely reading the chapter about the Blessed Virgin Mary, which was like chapter 7 or so in the book, I decided to start reading on page one.  And by page 13, I was “hooked.”  In fact, I was shocked.  I kept stopping every couple of pages or so, and running to my parents, and saying things like, “did you know that the Catholic Church teaches this…?” or “did you know that Catholics believe this…?”

I was totally dumbstruck, because this was the first religion that I was reading that actually made sense to me.  It was so beautifully logical to me, it scared me.

I returned to law school, but I could not stop reading.  I kept reading and reading.  Every time an issue challenged me, I would read the Catholic argument and it was always superior in thought and clarity.  How could a religion make so much sense?

I recalled my experience two years ago when I broke my leg and had to undergo surgery.  I recalled being given the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick and how I had encountered the Presence of God while in surgery.

I had wandered for two years trying to explain it to myself, but never making a mental connection between the Sacrament and my supernatural experience afterwards.  Then, I read a mystical account of St. Anne Catherine Emmerich and she had described in detail the place that I had been during my surgery.  It was the upper-level of purgatory.

After that, I could no longer harbor any doubts.  Catholicism is the True Faith.

I was 25 years old and I decided to attend Sunday Mass at the Catholic student center on campus.  It had been years since I had been to Mass and I arrived barely on time.  A nun approached me and asked me to offer the bread and wine to the priest during the Mass.

I wanted to choke up.  Here I was, at my first Catholic Mass in years, and God desired me to participate in the Mass, even though He knew I could not receive Holy Communion.  I wanted to cry and I could not refuse, even though I worried terribly if I might make a mistake.

God Is So Good to me, a poor sinner…

I read recently in a heavenly message that Jesus said to never deny the Sacrament of Baptism to a child.  I firmly believe His Words.  Regardless of circumstances, no child should be denied Baptism.

I truly believe it is only because of my Baptism that I was able to return to the faith today.  It is because of my Baptism that the Light of God was able to penetrate the darkness of my soul to bring me back to the faith.  Without my Baptism, I would have truly remained lost.

I once was lost, but now, I am found.

Hallelujah and amen.


For Meditation:

From the Book of Truth
(Maria Divine Mercy)


Sunday, November 21st, 2010 @ 01:30

Today, My daughter, I bring a Message of hope and peace to all of My children who may feel that these Messages have represented fear. Know that, for even those of you who find it difficult to believe in Me, My Eternal Father and the Holy Spirit, you must not worry. Many of you, My dear children, want to believe, but because of your reasoning and logic, where you evaluate all things based on rational thinking, you will find it hard to believe in the supernatural.

Fear not. By praying, even just once a day and asking My Sacred Heart to pour out My Love on you, you will very soon feel differently. Many of you – those who are vague in your beliefs – envy others with a deep faith. You must understand that I love all of you. Like a parent, each of you holds a deep and special place in My Heart. You must never feel you are not worthy of My Love.

Did I not love you to such an extent that I willingly gave up My life for you, in the hope that you would be given a second chance to come back to Me?

Children, you will always be pushed aside by others for expressing a belief in your Divine Creator. When this happens remember that this is something that man must suffer on this Earth, for their love for Me. Never let this belief in Me, your Divine Saviour, fade or be hidden from those who will look at you with pity.

Yes, many of My children, influenced by human reasoning and logic, deliberately placed in their closed souls, will question your beliefs. To insult you further they will be embarrassed by your faith, and while they will not publicly admit it, they feel a curious jealousy. This jealousy springs from the certainty that dawns on them, that inside their souls there is emptiness. No matter how hard they look inwards they cannot understand why this is the case. Meanwhile, you, the believer, will undergo humiliation through the embarrassed eyes of onlookers with a weak faith or none at all.

Never be afraid or embarrassed to own up to the love you have in your hearts for My Eternal Father. Be open about your faith. Wear your love proudly, for Me, for all to see. By doing so you are leading by example.

Never try too hard to impose, through logical reasoning, your beliefs to non-believers, in an aggressive manner. Instead show your brothers and sisters, love and support, even though you know they need guidance. When they see the forthright manner, in which you voice your love for Me openly and with joy in your heart, they will begin to wonder.

By leading others, through the example of love, respect and good deeds, they will be drawn towards the Light. Many won’t understand why, at first. But in time, and especially by the power of your prayers, they will walk towards Me.

I urge you all to pray for the conversion of all souls. This includes those people known to you, personally, whom you feel are in need of prayers, for difficulties they encounter in this life. Pray too for the conversion of those poor children lost to Me through the darkness, which blinds them to the Truth. Pray especially with compassion and love for those who follow, actively, the path of the deceiver. They, more than anyone else, need your prayers.

Make known, to all you come in contact with, details, as to how each of them can be redeemed, even at the moment of death, by reciting the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy.

Please, please give this to everyone who will listen. Urge them, if you dare, to read it and remember, because if you do and they do recite it in their last few breaths, they can and will be saved by Me.

(How To Pray The Divine Mercy Prayer can be found at this webpage:
https://maryrefugeofholylove.com/the-seal-of-the-living-god/the-divine-mercy-chaplet/ )

Never be ashamed of the Crosses you wear

 Never feel insulted when non-believers laugh or poke fun at you when you pray. Never be ashamed of the Crosses you wear for protection. Do not hide these symbols of the love you hold for Me, your Divine Saviour, My Eternal Father or the Holy Spirit. By proudly wearing these badges of holy honour, you will lead others towards Me. Despite outward scorn you may experience from these people, inwardly, they envy you for your faith. Many of these observers feel a hollow emptiness inside, due to their lack of faith. Prayer, My children, can help Me win over their souls. Say this pray for them.

 “My dear Lord, I hold out my arms to ask You to take my beloved brother/sister into Your tender Arms. Bless them with Your Sacred Blood and give them the grace needed to allow them to receive the Spirit of Your Love, to lead them into eternal salvation.”

 When you, My believers, are openly challenged by others about your faith, first say this:

 “I am a follower of Christ, Who suffered death at the hands of non-believers. Because of that, as a follower of Christ, I will always suffer indignity, because of my love for Him, from others. That is the Cross I bear and am proud of this fact. He, my Saviour, died, not just for my sins, but for yours.”

When they proudly boast of the fact they are agnostic or atheists tell them this. Ask them if they will feel different when their life on this Earth draws to a close? Then give them this advice. On your deathbed remember this prayer of the Divine Mercy even if you are still unsure. Open your hearts and ask My Eternal Father to forgive them. Remember My promise. As Judge, as well as your Saviour, I will forgive – right up to each of My children’s last breath on this Earth. Tell them to pray hard, so that they can open their hearts just once.

Prayer leads all My children closer to My Kingdom on Earth when Heaven and Earth will merge as one. The power of prayer will only be truly understood when My children open their hearts and call out. Ask, and if it is God’s Will, your prayers will be answered.

Never deny your children the Sacrament of Baptism

Lastly, pray for the little children, your sons and daughters and the youth in the world. Each of them deserve to be shown the Truth. They were not shown the Truth of God’s Love or given guidance by their parents, due to the spiritual darkness, which has existed on Earth over the last two decades. Even if your own faith is weak, do not shirk your duty, as parents, to give them access to the Sacraments, especially Baptism. Never take it upon yourself to deny this most important Sacrament to your own child.

Many parents who proudly stand firm, as they shout about their views of disbelief, are damaging their children’s souls. Give your children the gift of the Sacraments. In time, they will either thank you for this or deny Me. That will be up to them. Deny Me if you must, but do not steal the souls of My children. You may be their parents on Earth, but they are the children of My Eternal Father, the Creator and Maker of all things. Do not try to take them into the darkness with you. Remember again, that despite your own beliefs, I love you all.




“So many lies, where the existence of Hell is denied, will be the downfall of Christians”

Saturday, April 14th, 2012 @ 15:27

My dearest beloved daughter no matter how difficult your physical suffering is you must recognise that as it continues to intensify that it is as I feel.

Your suffering reflects just a fraction of My own suffering.

In union with Me you will know that for every pain and interior darkness of the soul you experience, you will know the torment I endure because of the sins of mankind.

Many people mistakenly believe that My suffering began and ended on the Cross.

My suffering will not end until all of God’s children are united in love and harmony where no sin will exist in My Father’s New Paradise.

No matter how much humanity has been told about My existence I am still hated.

Amongst believers, although I am accepted, My teachings are only tolerated by them based on their own terms.

Many will treat others with love and kindness but only if those, to whom they offer this gift, come up to their own ideologies.

For example many will condemn sinners when they should show kindness and pray for them. They must, instead, lead by example.

Some will pour scorn on others instead of showing the love that is expected of them as Christians.

Never condemn others even if you do not agree with them for that is not your right. No one, only God, has the authority to judge another.

While many believers continue to pay homage to Me it will be on their own terms.

Some will feel the need to set themselves apart from their brothers and sisters, to show the world how learned they are in spiritual matters. They then use their own interpretations of what My Mercy really means.

How many times have you heard that God is ever merciful? He is so merciful that because He loves everyone He would never condemn them?

That He would never send a soul to Hell?

Well this is a lie. So many lies, where the existence of Hell is denied, will be the downfall of Christians.

People condemn themselves to Hell. I do not put them there. They choose it by refusing to turn their backs on mortal sin.

Nor will they seek forgiveness or show remorse. This is dangerous thinking and it is the duty of all Christians to warn others of the dangers of Hell.

So many, including those who refuse their children the sacrament of Baptism speak as if sin no longer matters.

They believe that all sin ‘will’ be forgiven. This is not correct.

All sin ‘can’ be forgiven, no matter how black the sin but only if the sinner seeks forgiveness.

Now I speak to you from the Heavens to prepare all of God’s children for My Second Coming and what do I find?

I speak to you from behind prison walls and in a cell into which you have cast Me because you refuse to believe that I could speak to you in this way.

Oh how you offend Me!

To those who have spent your lives devoted to me and who are knowledgeable about My Holy Scripture but who now reject Me I say this.

Your rejections of Me now will leave you tormented and in great sorrow when the truth is revealed to you.

Because then you will realise the souls which you cast aside when I needed your help to salvage them.

How you make me weep with frustration at your blindness caused because of your lack of humility.

You doubt My Holy Word when you should embrace it, grasp it, because you are a drowning soul and lack generosity of heart.

I beg you to respond to My call.